I Robot

round robot vacuum
Photo by Jens Mahnke on Pexels.com

We have a couple of residents at our house. We don’t have to feed them. They never need a doctor’s appointment. We don’t have to take them anywhere. And here’s the best part, they never make a mess. In fact, they clean up after us humans. These tenants roam around the house every day cleaning up the crumbs and debris left behind by us.

Yes, our “tenants” are robots. Not the kind you see on TV with legs, arms and a head. No C3PO or R2D2 here. These robots are the kind that vacuum our floors on their own. I had been watching these for quite for a while and I read several rave reviews on the internet from people who had bought a vacuuming robot of their own. When the one I was reading about finally went on sale, I jumped at the chance to get one. It is a workhorse, cleaning the living room, dining room, kitchen and the master bedroom suite.

It worked so well that I bought a second one for upstairs. We now have downstairs and upstairs “maids” as we jokingly call them. The upstairs maid even speaks to us in a feminine voice whenever she gets stuck. But even cooler than that, we can program her to speak to us in French. I always wanted a French, upstairs maid.

In the time they have been roaming around in our house, vacuuming up dirt, crumbs and hair I’ve grown rather fond of them. They’ve quickly become like a regular member of our family. But they are vastly different than rest of us. They only need to be asked once to do their work, they never complain, and they never say they’ll get to it later. They never roll their eyes, sigh heavily or conveniently forget because they are too busy playing video games or texting.
And, OMG, are they efficient. With just a touch of a button, they take off randomly patrolling our floor in their mission to find and collect as much dust, lint, hair and crumbs as they can. Fragments left behind by the rest of us. All they ask is that we empty their dust collection bins after they are done with their work. It’s astounding to see just how much stuff they pick up each time we use them. I never knew that we were that dirty.

These technological “employees” even have remote controls that allow me to choose what days and what times I want them to do their job. That way, I can program them to work when we are not home so we can come home to a clean house. What’s not to love?

I really admire their work ethic. This flat, round workhorse will vacuum until they have expended almost every bit of energy they have and then they will slowly, ever so slowly, roll their way back to their home bases and gently ease themselves into their dock to recharge. They never call in sick, never have to leave early or ever come to work late. I don’t have to worry about taxes or liability insurance and if one of them breaks by falling down the stairs, I just throw it away and get a new one.

Because they are so thin and low to the ground, they can go many places that an upright vacuum hasn’t been in many, many years. There’s something so very satisfying about resting on the couch after a long day at work, watching TV, and having a robot wheeling around sucking up the dirt and grime that has managed to get into our carpets.

My wife never wanted one of these but now that she has one, one more household chore is done for her. I never thought it could do as great a job as it does though and I am surprised just how much dirt and grit is in its collection bin every time we run them. I also like how they leave vacuum cleaner wheel marks everywhere they go.

Of course, they are not without fault, nor do I think they would be. Every now and then, they get stuck on something, trapped under my recliner or entangled in a lamp cord. If I don’t hear them running, bumping into things like a drunken sailor or see them charging on their base, I know I have to go looking for them like a high tech game of hide and go seek. Once we find them, we pick them up and return them to their home base so they can recharge for the next time.

So here’s to the robots who save us time and take us a little closer to Rosie the Jetsons’ maid and housekeeper of the future.

An interesting housekeeping robot just debuted at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Click here

round robot vacuum
Photo by Jens Mahnke on Pexels.com

not only can it clean your floors, it can fetch you a beer.

Reel to Reel: Replicas:

food snack popcorn movie theater
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What can I say about the movie “Replicas”? I saw this last week and it seems like I have seen this all before. I have. This movie seems to be put together from the cutting room floor debris of several better cloning movies to me.

The plot is so predictable and slow, you can go make popcorn in the middle and not miss anything. The plot of this thriller has so much potential that it is sad it never hits the mark even once. It has more holes in it than a pound of thinly sliced deli Swiss cheese. It might however make a good drinking game. Every time you see a part stolen from another movie, everybody else has to chug their drink.

William Foster (Keanu Reeves), in a lifeless performance that should have been released to VOD is cast as the top neuroscientist at the Bionyne research facility in Puerto Rico where he’s trying to invent a way to download a human brain into a robot body (can you say Robocop). it’s a hard enough job that’s made even more difficult by William’s intolerant boss (John Ortiz), who gets extremely upset when he finds out that William may not achieve “the world’s greatest technological achievement” in time for the company’s next quarterly earnings report and threatens to shut the experiment down.

There’s reason for optimism though when William’s assistant (Thomas Middleditch) wheels in a fresh new body from the morgue. Everything goes well until the android body, a CGI robot that looks like a cross between the robots in “I, Robot” and C3PO rejects the dead man’s consciousness.

All of this is merely a lead in for the real plot though. William has an accident during a storm and his wife (Alice Eve) and their three kids die in the accident. In a hyped up B grade movie like this though, death isn’t the end. And it’s not surprising that William won’t leave the crash site before he decides to map everyone’s neural networks into a “hard drive” for later use. This hard drive looked to me like a love child between a Betamax cassette and an eight track tape.

At this juncture is when the Swiss cheese fest begins. You might think you know where this is going and you probably think that our hero is going to turn his family into a bunch of robots as a way to atone for his poor driving and to save the company. WRONG. That would make way too much sense. In the outlandish world of “Replicas,” screenwriter Chad St. John throws us a curve. William decides to clone the dead members of his family and steals the equipment to do this.

This plan raises several questions in my mind that the movie seems to have no interest in answering. Questions like how you grow human beings in a cube full of Kool aid in your basement. More than that, why is William working on robots if he has the ability to bring the dead back to life in their own skin? I don’t understand why it takes exactly 17 days for them all to be cloned, even though his wife and children are all different ages. And why nobody is looking for the missing equipment during this time.

For most of the movie we are cooped up in William’s house as he toils to bring back his family without raising suspicion. Brace for a whopping 90 minutes of Reeves shuffling around wearing a ratty bathrobe. This is an ideal time to get some snacks, make some phone calls or maybe take a nap, you won’t miss much.

The film is immobilized by all of the competing story lines that are trying to control its plot. It starts to feel as though the movie is simply changing gears from psychological horror to corporate espionage to a lame car chase in a desperate bid to distract from the faulty script.

There is a jaw dropping reveal at the end that still has me wondering what I watched.

“Derivatives” would be a better title for this movie as it derivative of many previous movies. Too bad it didn’t pick better parts to copy.

I give it 4 bags of popcorn out of 10